In last month’s newsletter I unveiled the truth about myself: Even I am not immune to occasionally sticking my size 9s in my mouth. But I, like any smart career woman, simply remove it, apologize and learn from the experience. After all, every time I choke, I’m one step closer to being the best possible Misti. I got my latest life lesson on this topic when I recently insulted a friend, someone I’d never in a million years intentionally hurt.

Have you ever met someone who just doesn’t quite do things the right way? So you offer advice to help her correct the problem and try to coach as much as possible without belittling. Meanwhile, she’s probably thinking, “She just doesn’t she get it. I like the way I do it.”

My business manager (Susan), my partner (Yvette) and I recently sat down to dinner at our dining room table. During one of Susan’s stories, I interrupted her, saying, “Start over. That’s not proper English.”

I didn’t think I’d said anything out of place until I felt a swift kick in the shin from Yvette, who didn’t know I’d already told Susan to work on her grammar. So I said, “What? I’m trying to help her. She needs to get better at speaking proper English in order to be successful long-term. You do want help, right Susan? I wasn’t rude, was I?”

Though Susan wasn’t quite done with her meal, she put down her fork, grabbed her plate and said, “Actually, that was rude.” She quickly took her plate to the sink and left.

My heart was going 100 miles an hour. I felt terrible. So I chased her down the stairs and asked her to help me understand. Turns out she had personal reasons for why she does things the way she does. Plus, she had never asked for (or wanted) my input on her speech.

Susan never asked me for help – nor had she willingly accept it. She was simply putting up with me until that moment. I can imagine there were many times when I tried showing her the right way to do something and ended up sending a “you’re not good enough” message.

Here are three tips to help avoid the pitfall of assuming:

Gain Clarity: Before making a decision about anyone or anything, take time to ask questions and clarify.

Listen: We all listen through our own filters. In order to make sure you truly understand what someone is saying, echo back what you think you heard. For example, “What I heard you say is ____. Did I get it? Is there more?”

Flexibility: Let the truth be told – I usually think my way is the right way. But in reality there are many right ways to do any given task. Likewise, there are many opinions to have on any given topic. For example, it is entirely possible that Susan’s way of communicating is the most effective for her.

What’s interesting is what happened after our exchange that evening. Susan slowly began looking for better ways to say things – without my reminding her to do so. She understood that in a business context it’s important to come across well and that improving her communication skills would only aid in her career development. She just didn’t need to hear about it every time she screwed up. Bottom line: When I really listened to her, rather than telling her what to do, I finally accomplished my original goal – without hurting anyone.

Rock on!

Misti

Misti Burmeister used to commit lots of blunders when she tried to connect with older workers in the office.

These communication gaps led her to create Inspirion Inc., a Bethesda consulting firm that promotes effective communication between older and younger generations in the workplace.

“I set out to have people of different generations help each other through understanding their differences,” said Miss Burmeister, whose efforts were recognized at a D.C. awards luncheon last week.

Miss Burmeister was named a finalist in the Elizabeth Dole Young Entrepreneur Scholarship, which is sponsored by Women Impacting Public Policy (WIPP), a public-policy organization that promotes women and minorities in business.

The scholarship program highlights five young, successful female business owners and helps them establish their businesses. Finalists receive one year of skills training, WIPP membership and access to a personal advisory board of experienced female business owners.

Nwenna Gates, owner of Taste of the Goddess Cafe in Los Angeles, won the grand prize.

“I was so excited about the possibility of somebody helping me figure out a business,” Miss Burmeister said of the scholarship program. “It feels like a privilege. WIPP is a wonderful organization with a huge vision. I’ve never seen an organization support businesses like they do. They’re really looking at helping the women who got this award.”

Inspirion has consulted with several large customers including AT&T, Marriott International, the University of Wisconsin and even the U.S. Navy. Inspirion consultants are traveling to Navy bases to explain how generational differences affect workplace relationships and to ask sailors what they think the Navy can do to attract and retain them as employees.

Last year, Inspirion consulted with Atlanta company Post Properties, an upscale apartment developer. Lori Addicks, the company’s vice president for learning and development, contacted Inspirion because she was interested in one of its workshops on intergenerational communication.

“The beauty with Misti was that she almost has a foot on both sides, Generation Y and Generation X. She’d done a lot of work and could relate to our midlevel managers,” Ms. Addicks said. “She showed us not only to be concerned that there are four generations in the workplace, but that there are four generations of customers as well.

“It started the planting of seeds, and we’ve continued to reinforce the mission. She got us started, which was great. She introduced the concept and got us opening up and really talking about what this means for us,” she said.

Inspirion was formed in April 2005, when Miss Burmeister resigned from her government contracting job and began researching intergenerational communications.

“I had 60 hours of work behind a desk, and I needed guidance. My colleagues saw me as impatient, but I had no vision. I knew they wanted to help and I wanted to help them, but there was something missing,” she said.

“Inspirion helps organizations create bridges for the generations, to increase connectivity between people, to help understand each other and to get away from the right-versus-wrong mentality.”

Miss Burmeister graduated in 2000 from the University of Northern Colorado with bachelor’s degrees in kinesiology and psychology and earned a master’s degree in human communication in 2002.

She lives in Fairfax.

— Bethany Sackett

Mali Phonpadith is an exceptional woman ~ a truly kind, uplifting, loving woman ~ she is one of my best friends and a real gift to our world. She wrote the following prose just a few days ago and emailed it to me. I was so touched by the power in her words ~ I needed to share it with you…take a read:) 

by C. Mali Phonpadith
September 23, 2008
Copyright © 2008

I am not sure at times why things take place in our lives, why some people must come and stay for a while and while others must simply cross our path and say goodbye.  What I do know is that every soul I encounter was perfectly positioned to touch me…and I them.  I will not always understand in each moment what the purpose of our encounter might be, I just simply accept that we were meant to be in each others lives.  With that acceptance comes my desire to make the time that we are given COUNT for something beyond a superficial “hello” and meaningless
goodbye”.  If I’ve learned anything in my life thus far it is that everything will shift, everything must change in order to live life fully.  It’s like a law of the Universe…the law of life.  The one thing that I am learning to do well is to ride the waves as gracefully as I can- and in the toughest of tides- I know that there is always a shore…or at least an island somewhere along the way!